apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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