He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
