dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize