Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Randomize