If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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