me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
