She's JV to your varsity
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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