I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
