I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
