So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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