Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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