her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
