he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
