Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
