I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
