I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
