Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
