i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
