frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
