OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
