But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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