we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
third nipple confirmed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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