dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
