bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And then he peed in my hair
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