help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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