She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
that may or may not have been my penis.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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