i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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