May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
