so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
