Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
