Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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