if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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