I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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