i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
