Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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