brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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