so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
