The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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