So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Every concussion has its silver lining
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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