I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
