Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
