Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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