Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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