You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
