pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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