end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
