we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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