DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
