I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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