Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
