Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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