Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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