dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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