Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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