Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
