these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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