Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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