There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
