At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just want nice things and good sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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