K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
