God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
