I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
