whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize