i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
