I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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