No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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