grandma shit on top of the toilet
i already hear my dad disowning me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
