take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
