I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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