You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
