I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You made out with two different species that night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
