i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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